An X Men Christmas, with Deadpool
by The lovable writer
Summary: Deadpool is assigned to give Wolverine the Christmas spirit, how does he do it? Christmas Carol style!
1. Chapter 1

Now, there is no question of Mr Wilson's death. That is fact, backed up by Logan, and Stryker, and many more witnessed who testify that a decapitation ensued quickly by the collapse of a military structure is not something to be taken lightly. But Mr Wilson was very alive, and at this moment watching A Christmas Carol (that one with the ghosts) and about to engage on a mission.

**_In Wilson Manner..._**

The phone began a ringing, and Mr Wilson answered, like a gentlemen does, a sense of urgency perhaps almost about the ringing, as if something very urgent lay at the other end, calling him, upon a phone, urgently.

"Wilson Manner, not nearly as good as Wane manner but not nearly as emo." Mr Deadpool announced.

"Wilson. It's Santa, I need you."

Some might have been a taken back by such a statement, such a declaration which held such prestige and myth about it, and many would have found this bold statement far beyond belief. Mr Deadpool did not, for Mr Deadpool held great advantageous advantage about him. The advantage of his awesomeness.

"It's difficult right now, I'm watching a Christmas Carol, this time scrooge really looks mean, I don't think he'll kill the Grinch and liberate the penguins." Deadpool explains.

"Uh, yeah, I think you, anyway, I need you!" Santa says.

"As I recall it you still owe me after I killed the Easter Bunny, what makes you think you can request my help." Mr Deadpool informs.

"Someone has lost their Christmas spirit. A friend of your." Santa reveals.

And all of a sudden, Mr Deadpool was a flutter, he listened hard to the telephone to see what was the matter.

"One Logan Wolverine, is unable to show Christmas cheer." Santa explains.

Deadpool was angered by this statement.

"I'm angered by this statement." Deadpool states.

**_Outside X-Mansion..._**

Now it twas the night before Christmas, and all across this festive scene. X Manor was full of Christmas spirit. Except maybe Wolverine.

For Wolverine looked at the festivities, with a strong angry leer. He was resentful, of this Christmas cheer.

And as he walked to a near by bar, which provided gentlemen drinks, he glanced at the door knob, and started to think

For while Wolverine was sober, and certainly no fool, the face on the door knob, was definitely that of Deadpool

"Hay Logan, here to teach you Christmas spirit."

**_To be continued with the ghost of Christmas Past..._**


	2. Chapter 2: Ghost of Christmas past

**_In the Past..._**

The Mr Deadpool and Wolverine began their travels. Through time they leaped like a man who finds the mistress and the wife a gossip in the town square. After a considerable time of travelling, that not even the longest and most illusive games of I-Spy could satisfy the need of the two men.

Eventually they found themselves a long time ago, in a rather tropical country yet oddly unnamed African nation. And Wolverine and Mr Deadpool observed their old team. And Christmas was upon them in this country with an awkward silence for a name.

Wolverine was notably agitated by these events.

"I am notably agitated. Why are we watching this?" Wolverine asked.

"Cause we're doing the Ghost of Christmas present segment first." Mr Deadpool asked.

"Why are you ripping off A Christmas Carols plot?" Wolverine enquired.

"Because I'm Deadpool and I'll do whatever the hell I want now shut up and look at how miserable you were in comparison to me!" Mr Deadpool informed.

**_In Fictionesia..._**

"Hay guys! I wrote a Christmas poem! Wanna here!" Mr Deadpool asked.

"Not really Wade." Wolverine mutters.

"Deadpool! My name is Deadpool! Not Wade!" Mr Deadpool angrily responded.

"Why do you keep telling us to call you that?" Wolverine asks.

"You'll see. You'll all see. Now that poem."

_Christmas time is now here once more_

_Time for the usual festive goar_

_Time for me to write witty rhymes_

_Like I've done so many times_

_What makes this poem different you may ask _

_Well nothing I say with a hearty laugh_

_No gimmicks or special stuff to this poetry_

_No dancing, explosives or Stryker Impression you will see_

_Yes, it's just another time to say_

_Have a happy Christmas day_

_But just because it is another Christ-mass_

_Doesn't mean it can't kick ass_

An uncomfortable silence ensued, only to be broken with the adamantium level force.

"Wade." Wolverine enquired.

"Yeah Logan?" Mr Deadpool asked.

"I want those seconds of my life back." Wolverine demanded.

"I could write another witty poem. I just need a word that ryhmes with Ray Lation Fee?" Deadpool asked again.

"Go away!" Wolverine yelled, with an agitation about him.

**_Back to our observing pair..._**

The Wolverine mans agitation was not quelled by these observations.

"Have these observation quelled your agitations." Mr Deadpool enquires.

"Thye have not. What was the point of that?" Wolverine enquired.

"You'll see. But first Marty, I mean Wolvie, we're going back to the present!" Mr Deadpool declares.

"This will take sometime." Wolverine sighed.


	3. Chapter 3: Ghost of Christmas Present

**_In the present day of the not to distant future..._**

_I'm going to blast some sexually active young women_

_With the shot gun that I'll also use to inflict self harm_

_Because I feel my life is rather bad, like not enough bling bling_

_And I'll wear black eye liner as I mock someone in pop culture_

_Before attacking an ethnic minority, Merry Christmas bitches..._

"Was that supposed to be a poem?" Wolverine asked.

"We're in the present day, poems don't have to rhyme if they're written by gangsters cause they have guns, or by emo's cause no one cares." Mr Deadpool explained.

"And you consider yourself to be one?" Wolverine aked once more.

"I just go where the pop culture takes me. Oh, do you like Mudkips by the way? Anyway, sit back and watch yourself acting like a prick." Mr Deadpool informed.

**_In the Present Day..._**

"Merry Christmas Logan." Professor X declared.

"I'd really rather not get caught up in the Christmas stuff." Wolverine muttered.

"I'm afraid your to late, we do secret Santa each year."

Mr Wolverine took the paper from the stack. An expression of deep though encompassed his face.

"Uh huh. Hay Scott get over here." Wolverine ordered.

"What Logan?" Cyclops replied.

"Merry Christmas. Catch."

It was at this point the Wolverine tossed a pair of keys to the Cyclops one. The keys spun through the air, glistensing, perhaps shimmering like the star which guided the three wise men. Perhaps a sign of a bond between the two men, a mutual respect, an appreciation between the two.

"Logan. These are my keys. To my bike. I've been looking for it for weeks. Did you take it?" Cyclops barked back.

"Merry Christmas Scott." Wolverine answered simply.

The pair looked at each other with disgust, the sort only men can do, the sort that only can be achieved through the complete blotting out of all logic, only accomplished through the sheer will of testosterone.

**_Back to the observers..._**

The pair observed these events. Fact were laid before them. Facts were established through an intellect and an observance. Facts that lead to one conclusion. Upon occasions, occurring more frequently than never, the Wolverine could be quite a prick.

"Okay, I'm a prick, we've established this. Are you going anywhere with this. I'm like that most of the year." the Wolverine informed.

"But this is Christmas! You can't escape Christmas. Not even the Jews can escape Christmas! You're not Jewish are you?" Mr Deadpool asks.

"No. Just what are you building to?" the Wolverine ordered.

"It can only be known when we go to the pinnacleof your prickisness. In the future." Mr Deadpool declared.

"And we didn't go there to begin with why?"

"Hay, those were some good poems I wrote! Now to the future!!!"

**_To be continued..._**


	4. Chapter 4: The Future

**_Several years after the not to distant future..._**

As the third time travel ended, and the destination emerged. A series of subtle differences became notable of this Universe. For one, the happiness that came with Christmas seemed non existent. Similar was the poetic lamentations of Mr Deadpool. Finally, it became apparent that this Universe was of the sucking variety.

"Well Wade, get on with it, is it a lyric this time, my fists claws do defy physical laws." Wolverine sighs, eyes beginning the rolling fashion.

"Nope." Mr Deadpool informs.

"What?"

"I got nothing. If you need me, I'll be sitting over there and playing Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2, a great stocking filler this Christmas at very reasonable prices." Mr Deadpool advertises.

"What! Wade. What's going on here?!" Wolverine asks.

"I guess I just don't feel like doing much, figure it out for yourself." Mr Deadpool informs.

And with that, the Wolverine fellow began his exploration of a land, his actions had supposedly created.

**_In X-Mannor..._**

"Uh guys anybody here?"

And people were here, and if one were to allow one selves to talk in a manner with a more naughtier double meaning, they were certainly coming. In fact while season greetings were no existent across the land, there was certainly a notable amount of giving and receiving across X-Manor, notably with Pyro and Kitty, and Johnny and Rogue. And Johnny and Pyro, and Rogue and Gambit? Yes, this land was certainly one that could take lemons from the tree and rub them across the brain and eyes.

"What? Why is everyone doing this!" Wolverine excalimed, shocked by the Christmas love, if one were to get the drift of the narration, which one does.

"Could you please depart! Remy is about to join this party." Gambit declared.

"Gambit! This makes no sense!" Wolverine yelled greater this time.

"Remy is irate by these comments questioning the sensibility of Remys presence. Remy will now take action." Remey informed.

And with this Remy began the energy malarkey, tossing Wolverine from the house he had once been in. For Remy was not a man to take nonsense.

**_In Magneto's Hall of Evil..._**

"Sit Wolverine." Magento ordered.

"Sure. I'm kind of wondering what's going on and I..." Wolverine sighed.

"Silence. I'm about to tell my back story."

Wolverine observed the cave around him, and an in thought Magneto, preparing to tell a story which seemed so epic, it looked like it might never leave his lips. Which it probably wouldn't.

"What ever just get on with it." Wolverine asked.

"In a moment Wolverine, this story is epic, a history defining moment that requires me to be at my best."

At once again time passed, promises made, yet expectations few. Hoping for the best, expecting the worst. The odds slim to nothing, and slim recently been kidnapped by hopeful and perchance and throat slit.

"You gonna start?" Wolverine finally enquired.

"Quiet Logan! I'm just wondering how best to describe young me, does Robert Pattison best describe him. How about Will Smith?" Magneto once again asked.

"I'm going." Wolverine decided.

**_Back to Deadpool..._**

"This fusion mechanic is so interesting, and the characterisation is top notch, I laugh at those who describe Arkham Asylum as the best Super Hero game of all time." Deadpool said to himself.

"Deadpool, everything is weird." Wolverine growled with an anger.

"You haven't even seen my life yet. Seriously, all the raping. If I wasn't insane I might take it personally."

"Why is everything so different!" Wolverine demanded.

"Because we're living in a humorous metaphor for what the X-Men movie verse is like without Wolverine. Seriously. The main stream films no longer continue and are populated by fan fiction, which while filled with some 1st class characterisation and having some of the most talented writers on the planet, is just filthy pornography. Magneto is trying to have a solo movie, and getting nowhere. And I'm repeatedly getting raped by producers. That previous sentence was hilarious because it's controversial to some people." Deadpool explained.

"And I created this!?" Wolverine

"You severely underestimate how much of a prick you can be sometimes. You forget how loved Cyclops is. Seriously, he's like a big lovable hugging machine. And when you killed Sabretooth. I liked him. He enjoyed my poetry." Deadpool explained.

"No he didn't."

"I choose to recall that differently. But your prickish got rid of all your friends. Point is. You keep acting like to much of a prick and go out on your own, you kill the franchise. You ever watched X-Men Origins Wolverine." Deadpool continued.

"Come again?" Wolverine asked.

"Point is, you've got hundreds of friends. Seriously, you ever bothered counting the number of X-Men. And the number of people at Weapon X, we had an internship thing going there."

"And?"

"You've got hundreds of friends so we're having a massive Christmas party. For the sake of the Universe!" Deadpool declared.

**_To be Concluded..._**


	5. Chapter 5: Finale

_And all of X-Manor was fully of season cheer_

_For they celebrated Christmas without any fear_

_And joining the fun, was one Wolverine_

_And across X-Manor, not a surprised eye was not seen_

_For with Wolverine accepting Christmas, all was safe, and I'm not lying_

_The X-Men were safe, just ask Mr Singer, first name Bryan_

_And they all had, a very festive time_

_For it was complimented by Deadpools festive rhyme_

_With titles including, Deadpool Rocks, or Christmas Killing Spree_

_All available on tape, for Nine Dollars Nintey Three_

_And as everyone was happy, and felt quite snug_

_I Deadpool emerged to give a group hug_

_And I think with Wolverine, I had pushed my luck_

_For at this point, the Wolverine struck_

_And my blood coated the walls, shimmering in the light_

_And I declared to all a Merry Christmas, and to all a Good Night_

**Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!**


End file.
